Not In My Job Descriptions

The world is a perilous place my friends. There are spiders in it.

You never know when you may be called upon for heroic action. I thought work was a very safe place. The only thing approaching to nature in our nice indoor little office is a lone plastic tree which we have affectionately named “the forest.” There is nothing here for spiders.

Nevertheless…someone wonderful brought a load of boxes to the office and set them on the couch. That person is very thoughtful, and we definitely needed the boxes, but when my hardworking office-mate Destiny went to grab a box she discovered a HORRIBLE spider. He was the very worst kind–the ones with legs that arch to excess over his head. He wasn’t tiny. He was brown. He was so scary.

Also, he had chosen his position strategically. He wasn’t on a solid surface, just waiting to be smacked. Nope. This little creep was on the very far edge of an open flap of the foldable box. He could skitter underneath the flap in no time, and if he wasn’t completely dead on first contact, he could easily be flung either backwards deep into the couch cushions (shudder), or forwards AT US (GAHHHHHH!).

So. Though I had jumped up from my desk and whipped off my pretty red flats to do battle, this plan of action was clearly destined for disaster. Therefore, Destiny and I stood huddled together in front of the box, appalled at the situation that had sprung upon us. She suggested taking the box outside and flicking the spider out into the great unknown. This sounded like a plan likely to get the spider far away from me in a short period of time, so I was game. : ) She grabbed the box by the flap furthest away from the awful brown nasty and proceeded down the hallway towards the front door of the building. I asked her to move the spider-side of the box closer to the opposite wall so I could run past her to open the door. “And please keep it from jumping on me,” I pleaded, rushing past.

I opened the first door and hid behind it while the box came through. Then Destiny backed through the next set of doors and set the box down outside.

“Now what?” she asked.

I whisked off my shoe again, glad that my earlier heroics wouldn’t be completely wasted. I snuck up behind the gross, scary, many-legged one and, ninja-like, dealt him a decisive blow. He flew off the box, which Destiny quickly snatched away from him (lest he get any outrageous ideas about hijacking it again) and we darted inside as swiftly as possible. (He definitely looked like the kind that jump. Very far.) We were not taking any chances.

Once we had three doors and a hallway in between him and us, we regrouped. I checked my pulse. Destiny sat down. We both thought about making our way down to the counseling offices at the other end of the hallway. That, however, would have led us past the front door, where our little stalker might have been waiting for us. So we decided to hide in our office until the end of our shifts and then go out the back door.

Then I thought about the people I had seen in the hallway on our trip back to the office. There were definitely at least two grown men who had stuck their heads out of their offices to laugh at us in those treacherous moments. Oh brother. At least we lived. If that spider had eaten us (which definitely could have happened), they would have felt bad for the rest of their lives for not coming to save us while they had the chance..

Well, it’s almost time to go home. Pardon me while I run out the back.

Copiers Teach One to be Constant in Prayer

Copiers also resemble small children, in that, if you leave them even for a moment, they will do dangerous things, cram items where they do not belong, and generally turn everything upside-down and sidesways. Also, their insides are far more complicated than one could possibly have imagined, and therefore finding the root of any given problem is ludicrously difficult.
Hence the ceaseless prayer.

Why Working in An Office Is Hilarious

Short explanation: I’m entering data from an enormous stack of forms into excel today (among other things).

1. The last name Berg looks like Bug due to the excessive speed this person utilized when writing their name. And the fact that their last name was about to be Bug in Regent records from now on since they didn’t slow down to write clearly.

2. Adults who have illegible handwriting. (Dear human being, didn’t you want me to be able to read this? Isn’t that why you wrote it down?)

3. When the perpetrator checks the “other” box and proceeds to handwrite in exactly one of the options already provided in their multiple choice.

4. Also, when they check a box and then write beside it exactly the opposite information. (Example: Question: Are you receiving financial aid? Box checked: Yes. Info beside it: I have never received a loan or scholarship for this university.”)

5. Incredible last names. Names that you can’t believe actually exist. Oh how they lighten up my day. Like Bug. Or Starcruiser.

6. Going through stock photos. For example, when this cheery employee searched “gold seal” somehow the website saw fit to return images of terriers, grass, skulls, hot air balloons and silver and sapphire rings. I’m sorry Dean’s List students. Your congratulatory letter might have to settle for a gold star.

It's snowing, snowing, snowing :D

Which brings up all kinds of ethical issues:
1. Do I go out in the snow and still run all the errands I need to run for class tonight (risking my life with the terrible VA drivers) or do I bank on class being canceled (risking my life where my grade is concerned)?
2. Should I beg God for class to be canceled when my final presentation is tonight (which we are ready for, by the way and our group is most excellent) and it is worth 20% of my grade and this is our last class?
3. Can I be supremely happy about this snow even though it may mean that some of my friend’s flights are delayed/canceled?
Gosh, being a grown up can take all the fun out of this.
Oh wait,
no it can’t!
It’s snowing! It’s snowing! It’s snowing! tra la la la la : ) *twirls in office chair with delight*